MPAK Gatherings in LA and OC Areas

There were MPAK gathering at the Orange County (OC) Area on October 9, 2011, and another one for the families in the Los Angeles (LA) area on October 16, 2011.  MPAK-OC group met at Junhyung and Denise's place at Lake Forest, CA, and the LA group met at Emile and Jenny's place in Torrance, CA.  Both gatherings were well attended, with great food and BBQs. Jenny remarked that she has never had so many kids in her place running wild before and beamed with smile.  Some of us were addicted to such gatherings and decided to be in both places as the gatherings were back-to-back weekends.

A special thanks goes out to Denise and Juhyung for hosting the OC group, and to Emile and Jenny for hosting the LA group.  Thanks to all those that helped and to those that came to make the gatherings real success and fun.

Our next gathering will be a big one.  It will be on Saturday, December 3, 2011 at the Cerritos Presbyterian Church (CPC).  This gathering will be our annual Christmas gathering that will combine all three Southern California regions.  So mark your calendar and stay tuned.

MPAK-OC Group met at Junhyung and Denise's Place, Oct 9, 2011



MPAK-LA Group met at Emile and Jenny's Place, Oct 16, 2011

News Flash! "It's Finally Here - Adoption Opportunities for Expatriates Living in Korea."

It is official. The expatriates (those living out of the country for a prolonged period) can now adopt in Korea.  But there is a condition.  The primary being that one of the expatriate couple has to be of Korean heritage and able to receive a dual citizenship status, thus qualifying as a Korean citizen living in Korea.

Under this new regulation, the expat couples adopting in Korea would be considered a part of the domestic adoption process since a Korean-heritage expat with a dual citizenship is considered a Korean national living in Korea.  However, this is not easy, as other conditions state that the expats must have lived in Korea for two or more years before attempting to adopt, and they need to stay a year to finish up the post-adoption process and also to go through a process of obtaining the immigration approval from their home country.

Perhaps the best news of all in the expat adoption is that since an expat with a dual citizenship would be considered a Korean national, the adoption fee is completely free as it is paid by the Korean government. The expats are not limited to those that have the US citizenship, but also applies to the Korean-heritage immigrants living in other countries such as Europe.

This notice has already gone out to all the adoption agencies in Korea (Holt, Eastern, and SWS), and there will be no US adoption agency involvement whatsoever since the expat adoption will be handled as domestic adoptions.  Also the expat adoption will have no bearing on the quota limitation as they don't factor into it.  In other words, the expat adoption will not be a part of the quota system.

Details of this new regulation is still being worked out between the Ministry of Health and Welfare (MOHW) and the adoption agencies.  This new law is a very welcome thing as I had to turn away many expats in the past as they could not adopt while living in Korea. So this is a real welcome news.

This effort would not have been possible without the hard efforts by the Rev. Eddie Byun of the Onnuri Church in Seoul, who ministers a large English speaking congregation with many expats attending his church.  Many expats were wanting to adopt children while living in Korea.  The credit also goes to Mrs. Hannah Kook of the Hope for Orphans minstry.  I introduced to both an appropriate person to meet at the MOHW, and they started to meet together and got the ball rolling, with a big orientation meeting held at the Onnuri Church.  Congratulations to all for making this possible!

9/11 and Adoption - A True Story by Min Lee

Min Lee and Ben Huh leads the MPAK-NY/NJ Regional Group and this is their story on how the 9/11 event forever changed their lives.



The Huh Family - From 9/11 that brought home two sons. 

(From Left Jane, Min Lee, Elliot, Alison, Caleb, and Ben Huh)

It is the 10^th anniversary of 9/11. No one can forget the horrific assault our nation had to experience.  What happened on that day has forever changed the ways we lived in America.   My life has dramatically changed since that day as well.  Here is the story of how 9/11 brought life and hope to my family.

As a Christian, I have always carried a burden and knowing in my heart that I was to live for more, although I never knew how I would actually accomplish it.  I was living a typical 1.5 generation Korean-American life.  I was happily married with two beautiful daughters.  We lived in a nice home in the suburbs.  We even had a dog to make it a picture perfect American life.  I was comfortable and content.

Then, on September 11, 2001, I was awakened abruptly from my quiescent lifestyle.

It was a typical beautiful morning in September.   I dropped off my girls at their school and headed to the gym as I did most mornings.  I walked into the lobby of the gym and took a glimpse of the TV which was broadcasting the news about the World Trade Center being hit by a plane.  “A bad accident” I thought to myself as I walked over to do my work out routine.

Soon after, I saw a bunch of people huddled together and sobbing in fear.  I looked over at the TV screen.  The World Trade Center buildings were burning up in flames.  A mass of people on Wall Street covered with debris scrambling aimlessly.  The sound of explosion, screaming and horror was unbelievable.  It looked like a scene out of a disaster movie.

It was surreal.  It felt as if all sound was fading out and everything around me was paralyzing.  On that day, a huge part of America was taken away.  It was a time when even the most secular Americans came together in prayer.  Incredible sorrow struck me and I cried for days.  A heavy burden came upon my heart to repent on behalf of our nation and for my personal life.  I asked God about the purpose of my life.  I reflected deeply on the meaning and the preciousness of my life and the life of others.

My heart was filled with urgency and desire to live as Jesus lived and to love as He loved us. I felt a strong call of God to radically change my lifestyle.  I could not live with only selfish motivations any more. 

I was convicted that I was continuously trying to fill my life with things of the world, bigger house, more glamorous vacations, fanciest cars, etc…  Suddenly, it all seemed senseless.   My husband Ben and I decided to look for somewhere to serve as a family.  During my research, I learned about adoption and found myself becoming more interested and attracted to the idea of adoption. 

Then one day, I discovered MPAK’s website.   I was immediately fascinated to find stories of Korean families who had adopted openly.  I was deeply impressed and challenged by Steve Morrison’s vision and courage to speak up for homeless children.  It became clear to me that adoption was the great choice for our family.  I asked Ben what he thought about adopting a little boy as our third child.  He responded by saying “Maybe”.   I took his neutral response as a “yes” to go ahead with it.  I started by studying more about adoption.  I learned that,

Adoption is another way of building a family and the best way to provide a family to homeless children.  Every child has the right to be loved and have a family.

 I could have a son without having to give birth and provide a family to a child all that the same time.   How perfect!

 Right away, I started having doubts. Would I really be able to love a child who is not my own?  It was already a challenge managing my own two children, how would I care for another child?  What would our family and friends think?  If I could not be a good mother, maybe it would be best not to adopt at all.  I felt very confused and anxious.

Heavy hearted with uncertainty and doubts, my family and I went on a family retreat where I came to realize that I was blessed to be a blessing.

“ I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you: I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.”   Genesis 12:2-3

This very verse was given at our wedding ceremony.  It was God’s way of reminding me of his purpose in our marriage.  Whom shall I share the joy of blessing with? I asked the Lord.  God revealed to me that it would be the child we adopt.

I realized that God gave me the desire to adopt.  It wasn’t because I was a perfect mom or a loving person, but just the opposite.  I was not to rely on myself for good will and action but to know that it is God who works in me.  I was finally comfortable in making a decision.   

The next day, Ben told that he saw a vision of an infant boy wrapped in a blanket while he was praying the night before.  He was so sure that it was God’s will for us to adopt.  

As soon as we got home, we completed and sent off our adoption application.  We wanted to adopt a healthy baby boy.  During our application process I came across “The Waiting Child” program.   I felt guilty that I was not open to special needs children.  I began to pray for the waiting children, and also for the child who was going to become our son.

On the last visit of our home study, I saw a photo of a baby boy in the Waiting Child webpage.  I was instantly drawn to him, but adopting from the Waiting Child list seemed too risky.  Nevertheless, I asked for more information on the baby boy.  Other than the birthmother’s medical history, he appeared to be healthy.  One amazing thing that we noticed was that the baby was born on exact day that Ben saw a vision of a child in his prayer.  We thought that was more than a pure coincidence.

For the next several months, we waited anxiously for the arrival of our son.  On February 14, 2003, I received the best Valentine’s Day gift ever – the news that our son is ready to come home.  Ben traveled to Korea and brought home our son Caleb Jae Won.  He was so small and beautiful.  Our girls and I were thrilled to finally have our baby home.

We watched Caleb thrive day by day.  We thought we were blessing this child by adopting him, but we realized that he was blessing us much more.   The joy and restoration that he brought to our family was immeasurable.  We felt blessed that God had chosen us to make a difference in a child’s life by simply being his parents.    Adoption has also affected our daughters in many wonderful ways.  They have matured into compassionate and open-minded young ladies.  We witnessed the immense effect that a family can have on a child. How vital it is for a child to grow up in a loving family.  Every child should have that opportunity.

In 2005 we adopted another baby boy.  We named him Elliot Si Woo.  Si woo was his given name at the adoption agency.  We had already picked out a new middle name for Elliot but when we saw that his name meant “bestowed enough”, we decided to keep it.   His middle name reminds us each day that God’s grace bestowed upon us is enough.  Elliot was born with congenital heart disease among other conditions.  He too was a Waiting Child. Elliot’s birthmother’s medical history made Elliot less desirable to many people, but Ben and I felt that it was more of a reason for us to adopt him as our son.  After all, we were already so blessed!  We knew that our God is bigger than any ‘unknowns’.   We overcome our fear by relying on God’s grace each day.  We believe that when God created Caleb and Elliot He had us in mind.  I don’t have a single doubt in my mind that we are a family made in Heaven. 

Presently, Caleb is a sweet and kind 9 year old boy. He is an outstanding soccer player and aspires to become a scientist one day.   Elliot is a smart, fun and full of life. He is almost 7 years old.  Our boys are very proud of the fact they were adopted.  They feel very special that God has unique plans for them.  All my children are awesome creation of God and I am so thankful for them.  I am blessed to be chosen as their mother.

Becoming an adoptive parent truly helped me mature as a person.   Through my children, I see the love of our Father in heaven who adopted us as His own.    Although terrible, the incident on September 11^th, 2001 triggered something inside me and changed my perspective on life and challenged me to act according to my faith.  God used the evil intent of the enemy and turned it into joy, love, hope and life for my family.  

“For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.”   2Conrinthians 5:14-15

The Huh Children - From Left:  Elliot, Jane, Caleb, and Alison

Regarding My Latest Blog on EP Priority for KAs

It appears that my latest blog regarding the Korean Government's preference over Korean-American (KA) couples by giving priority in the EP process has stirred a lot of negative emotions by non-Korean heritage families. Namely, they feel they are being punished by the Korean government by further delaying the adoption process to already delayed process because KAs will be given priority in the EP process. 

I think this is perfectly understandable and justifiable reaction by those that have expressed discontent with the latest decision by the Korean Government (Ministry of Health and Welfare - MOHW).  And I fully sympathize with their feelings and reactions.  I know I would feel the same if I were in their shoes. 

I wish I had a simple and easy solution.  While I have always been pro-adoption, whether the couples be Caucasian or Koreans, there is really nothing I can do about the choice that the Korean Government makes.

However, there seem to be some misconception that there are lots of Korean-Americans adopting, but that is not the case.  To my understanding, of the approximately 100 remaining EPs left for this year, there are only five Korean-American families in the EP list.  So it isn't like giving priority to the Korean-Americans in the EP process would make that much difference.

The group photos of MPAK families in my blog seems to have many KAs mainly because these families have been gathering since 1999 and more and more have joined over the span of 12 years.  They didn't all adopt past two or three years, but started from long ago.  You will see that some of the children are in their teens. 
I want you to know that I am with all of you who are frustrated by the delays due to quota and wish I could do something about it.  I have complained a number of times to MOHW that what they are doing through quota is really delaying the union of children with parents, and that delay will affect children negatively in their growth. 

But unfortunately the powers that be in the government do not view their children like we do.  For instance, there are some in MOHW that those children that won't be placed to be put into various institutions and that would be OK for them.  But then there are some very caring individuals in MOHW that try to advocate for children but unfortunately their voices do not go far up the chain of command. 

Korea sees the intercountry adoption (ICA) program as something of an eye sore in the international community and they deeply desire to close down the the ICA.  ICA also projects image of Korea to the world that despite the economic miracle, it is still a country that cannot take care of its own children, thus not having the character of a strong nation.  Korea's effort to shut down or gradually reduce the ICA is nothing more than face saving effort.

I think if Korea is to be a great nation in the international community, it should adopt the Hague Convention and practice the priorities outlined in the convention to give children the chance to be placed with their biological families, then domestic adoption, and when neither option is available to place them with willing and loving families abroad.  While the Hague Convention does not specifically state the priority should be given to the same race/heritage people residing overseas, it is nonetheless understandable that a nation like Korea would prefer to place a higher priority in placing its children with people of same race or culture.

I have asked the Korean Government numerous times in the past to exclude the KA adoption from their annual quotas, but this request went unheeded so far.  I will continue to try to communicate with MOHW on this and will not stop.  But perhaps one of the biggest force in impacting the reduction of ICA in Korea is largely due to anti-adoption organizations that have mobilized together to voice opposition to ICA, or even domestic adoption by claiming that adoption promotes separation of children from their biological parents, which is a total nonsense.  We all know that adoption is a response to already separated children that need homes, not the cause.

Korea is going through a lot of transition in the policies related to ICA, and will continue to evolve as they get closer to ratifying the Hague Convention.  But they are also struggling to save face in the international community, especially as they get ready to host the 2018 Winter Olympic. Let's hope and pray that Korea will come to recognize that beyond the glitters of their economic success, to be a leading nation in the next decade, they can't just sweep the voiceless children under the mat and hope the problem will go away.  This is essentially what they are doing by ignoring children that need homes by taking away their rights to grow in homes, even abroad.  Let us pray that Korea will truly make the decisions and set the policies that best serves the interests of children. And I promise that I will continue to be a voice for homeless children.

MPAK - Orange County Gathering

MPAK-OC group met in Irvine, CA on Saturday, August 27, 2011.



MPAK - Orange County Group gathered at Mrs. Nanjoo Choi's house on Saturday, August 27th.  The gathering drew a large crowd at the beautiful house of Mrs. Choi, who adopted a son from Korea 11 years ago.  The group was headed by Brian and Kathy Shin, who adopted three children from Korea.  While Brian cooked Korean Kalbi, the children played in the backyard in a mini golf putt green, and the grown ups sat in different pockets to chat and merry making through their adoption stories.

Helen and Rich Lee Family shared their adoption story



The sumptuous meal was excellent as people brought many types of food.  There was an adoption story presented by Rich and Helen Lee on their adoption journey of adopting their two daugthers from Korea.  Their story was warm and beautiful, and brought laughter and applause (I will try to post their story in a separate blog).  It was wonderful to see all the newly arrived children that came this year.  But there were several families that were caught up on the Korean quota issue and lamented the fact that they won't be able to see their children until 2012.  We hope their children will come home soon.

Mr. Yoon (right) , an orphange director from Korea meets one his orphanage graduate Kim (center) and her husband Darren (left).  This unplanned meeting was a great surprise for both, and a blessing to all of us.



One of the highlights of the gathering was the meeting between the two very special people.  One was an orphanage director Mr. Yoon who came from Korea on family matter, and the other was an adoptee named Kim, who grew up in the same orphanage under the care of Mr. Yoon.  Kim was adopted 32 years ago, and she and her husband Darren Clark were waiting for their child to come home from Korea.  At first Mr. Yoon didn't recognize Kim, but when she stated her Korean name, Mr. Yoon recognized her immediately.  Both Mr. Yoon and Kim wept as they hugged.  Mr. Yoon shared a brief remarks to all those gathered and could not control his emotion, thus causing many eyes in the room to tear up.

The evening was a tremendously blessing time for all those attending, and I want to thank our host Mrs. Nanjoo Choi again for the great hosting she provided to all of us.  Another special thanks to Brian and Kathy Shin for the great job in organizing this gathering, and thanks to all those that came to the MPAK-OC gathering.

NEWS FLASH - Priority EP Processes for Korean-Americans Announced

The Ministry of Health and Welfare (MOHW) has just sent out an official notice to the three intercountry adoption (ICA) agencies in Korea (Holt, Eastern, and SWS) that MOHW will now provide priority Exit Permit (or Emmigration Permit) service to Korean-American couples.  MOHW has determined that the definition for Korean-American couple to include couples where one is a Korean descent.  This also includes adoptee as well.  It is MOHW's belief that children being adopted to Korean-American couples will experience less identify and cultural adjustment issues, thus priority service should be given to expedite Korean-American adoption. 

The agencies are to notify the cooperating agencies in the US on this new policy and provide a feedback to MOHW by September 30, 2011. This new priority service will go into effect immediately.

Suha Kim's Story - A Child's Perspective in Transparent/Open Adoption

Suha Kim lives in Incheon, Korea

Should you be transparent about your adoption to others?  This question is not much of a problem for most non-Korean heritage families adopting children from Korea.  But for many Korean-Americans, this is a big struggle - whether to tell their children they were adopted or not, or even to tell others that they are adoptive families. But Suha's story goes even further.  She describes the open adoption experience as well.  Open adoption is when children are allowed to meet birthparents, and transparent adoption is where adoption is not kept secret.  I hope Suha Kim's story will help to put your adoption experience in a proper perspective.

To give a background on her story, when MPAK had a historic first ever national conference to promote domestic adoption in Korea on Saturday, October 14, 2000, there were around 450 in attendance from all corners of Korea.  We hung the banners around the city of Kwachon to aanounce the event titled, "The 1st Annual Adoptive Families Gathering - To Promote Domestic Adoption". 

A woman named Haeran Lee saw the banners, and got curious as to what the event was all about.  She attended and watched musical performances and the presentations on the adoption stories by a few parents.  She had no idea that this event would change her life forever.  She was so moved by the event, that when Monday came, she and her husband, a pastor of a church, immediately went to an adoption agency to adopt a baby girl.  A few weeks later, Suha Kim came home.  The family had a biological son, and Suha was their second child.

Suha is now in 5th grade, and she has blossomed so beautifully.  The family adopted another girl a few years later named Yuna.  The children are being homeschooled, and Suha is a voracious reader, and she is well beyond her years in terms of academic maturity.  This blog will feature a writing by Suha Kim on her adoption experiences and her experience of meeting her birthmother.  She presented her story at the Annual MPAK Summer Adoption Seminar (Aug 12-14), which was attended by over 250 families from all over Korea.

Open adoption is something that is not comfortable for many adoptive parents, and the concept of open adoption has been in Korea for about six or seven years only.  Even I have some mixed feelings towards open adoption, but here is a story of Suha Kim where open adoption seems to be working well for her.
------------------------

Hello my name is Suha Kim. I am in fifth grade. I have an older brother who is in 10^th grade and a younger sister in 2nd grade. In my family, only my younger sister and I were adopted.

Earier picture of Suha's family when she was a toddler, Suha is on the left

When I was seven years old, I met my birthmother for the first time. Since then, I see her every year on my birthday. I call her “Auntie”.  Whenever Auntie comes to visit me, she brings a birthday present. She also brings gifts for my brother, younger sister, my Mom and Dad. I love receiving presents from my birthmother.

Time to time my Mom tells me, “I am so glad that Auntie comes to see you once a year. There is yet another person who loves and cares for you, Suha.”  Honestly, I thought my Mom would not want me to see my birthmother. But after hearing that from my Mom, I was relieved to know that I could see her once a year. I was thankful that my Mom understood how I felt.

I think my Mom is a courageous woman. It is very unusual in Korea for an adopted child to meet her birthmother once a year. I think you would have to be a bold person to allow such a thing. I also think my Mom understands people well.

Sometime ago, while I was talking with my Mom about adoption she said, “I can only imagine how scared Auntie must have been for having a baby at such a young age. I wanted her to be able see you grow up. That is the reason why I have made arrangements for the two of you to meet once a year on your birthday.”

I also tried to imagine how scared Auntie would have felt. I do understand. Although I see my birthmother once a year, there is one very important fact I will never forget. My Mom is my REAL Mom. If you were adopted and have had a chance to meet your birthmother, you would probably say the same thing -- that your Mom is your REAL Mom.  That is why I recommend that adopted children to meet with their birthmother even if it’s just once.

My Mom has always talked with me on adoption.  Now I am old enough to understand about adoption. But I still think, “So what if I was adopted?” I think my Mom made a right choice by telling me that I was adopted when I was still little. Because she was so open with me I am able to think positively about adoption.

I think about my birthmother when my Mom scolds me. My Mom says that adopted children often think about their birthmothers when being reprimanded. I think it’s very natural.

I have never asked, “Why couldn’t my birthmother keep me?” I just accept it as reality. When I grow up I really hope to adopt three children. I want to be able to understand how adoptive parents feel and how adopted children feel. I want to share with my adopted children how I felt as an adoptee.

I think adoptive parents usually feel afraid or offended when their kids want to meet their birthmothers. But, I think you should just accept it. Adopted children naturally have desire to meet their birthmothers once in their life time. Some Moms don’t want their kids to have other mothers. They might think that their kids would consider the birthmothers as their real Moms. Kids are only curious to know about them.  I remember asking my Mom what my birthmother looked like and if she was pretty.

It was when I met the Auntie for the third time that my Mom finally told me that the lady was actually my birthmother.  She tells me that I responded by saying “I had a feeling that was the case”.  Even today when I think about that episode, it makes me smile. I was so immature. Meeting Auntie answered all my questions. I know what she looks like, what kind of hair she has—my curiosity has been satisfied.

Once, my Mom was scolding me and I told her that I missed my birthmother. I could tell that she was shocked. She stopped scolding immediately. Since then, I could not share everything with my Mom. I didn’t expect to see her get upset. I thought she would never get surprised by such a thing. When I saw her expression, I was very surprised too.

So, I have one advice for you. When your child says that she wants to see her birthmother, don’t be shocked. If you become upset, your child would not be able to share her honest feelings. Also, when your child wants to talk about adoption, please listen carefully and attentively. When your child sees that you are interested, she would want to talk more and more about adoption. Then, you will be able to have so much more conversations.

I suppose adoptive parents can get help from books on adoption. I read a lot about adoption. When I read I can really learn and understand about adoption and other adopted children.

There is a book titled “No More Secrets.” There are many stories in the book but my favorite is the story about Lavender Princess Eunbi. Princess Eunbi grew jealous of her little adopted sister who drew all the attention from her parents.

She took 2/3 of my parents’ love and didn’t want to listen to me, so I wanted her to be sent back. Now I think she is pretty cute when she listens to me. But when she gets all the attention, I feel like saying “Send her back”.  I am glad that I have a younger sister.

Sometimes, I feel very proud to be adopted. I think I started feeling this way ever since I joined The Korean Adopted Children’s Choir. Maybe it’s because people recognize us as the adopted children. I think it’s a good thing. It’s the kind of self confidence that comes by declaring “I was adopted!”

Suha in the Korean Adopted Children's Choir performing during the National Adoption Day event on May 11, 2001, Seoul, Korea.  The Choir is organized by MPAK.

 I think children need to have self confidence. Children need their parents’ help to become confident. My self confidence started with my parents’ teachings but later I improved on it myself.

Once, as I was getting ready to perform on the stage my inner voice said, “I was adopted, adoption is nothing to be ashamed of!” I wish that a lot of people would realize that adoption is not shameful.

I wish that many people would come to know adoption isn’t something to be embarrassed, but that it has to do with being happy and in love.  I wish to continue to declare this through my involvement with the Korean Adopted Children’s Choir. Adoption is not something to be ashamed of, but that it is love!!  Adoption is happiness!!  When all the adopted children come together and declare together such message, then all the people will believe that adoption is truly happiness and love.

Thank you.

Suha Kim