When I posted the last blog, I had no idea that this would catch such a fire by storm and become viral (over 6,000 hits in one day!). Thanks for the tremendous responses. It just confirmed to me what is important to you all. All you want is your children home. The children that need families, and the families that want to love and care for them. Period.
Please do not make any hasty decisions on your adoption process and give up because of this let down by Korea. Your children deserves your patience, and I am sure they share in your disappointments. It is not the end. It is still a work in progress. And I am fully aware that this does not ease your great pain.
However, I appeal to all of you. Do not give up on your children. They have waited for you just as long as you have waited for them. Let no mountain of adversity nor raging storms of events discourage you.
I also appeal to all of you to be calm. Do not contact your politicians, nor call the agencies nor contact the Korean Embassies or other authorities to complain as these actions may backfire and make the situation worse. What do they know about all the issues regarding the Special Adoption Laws and its impact? They are far removed from what is going on with you. They would have to go out of their ways to just learn about all the issues, and they may rub the folks at the Ministry of Health and Welfare and the powers that be at the Family Court in a wrong way and make it counter-productive. Also, please do not blame any adoption agencies. They share in your frustrations.
It is enough that you have vent your frustrations through this blog, and many of you have sent me emails as well. Your responses will not be ignored. We at MPAK are reading every single one of your comments and responses, and capturing in a database as I write this. Thanks to Denise Adams and Junhyung Lee (MPAK-Orange County Directors) for taking the leadership role in compiling all the comment feedbacks, and summarize the comments by category and the number of people with similar issues - i.e. financial reasons, family issues, unable to take the time without losing jobs, health reasons, being in military services, and many more.
Thanks to many of you that have offered excellent ideas to argue. Many have expressed how this law is not fair to implement in midstream of the adoption processes as the parents were not informed of such things at the beginning when they signed up to adopt. Many have also expressed the insecurity of being in Korea and waiting - not knowing whether the birthmothers would change their minds or not, and traveling to Korea with such uncertainties at such high expenses with enormouse stresses on them and to the rest of the family members...this just isn't right by any standard.
I plan to review the summaries that my MPAK team will put together and have a review with a few members before sending it to Korea. To whom I will send is sort of proprietary and I won't mention the names or organizations. But the ultimate destination is the members of the Family Court. It will be clear to the lawyers and the judges of the Family Court what the waiting families abroad are thinking about and where their hearts are in this matter. They will clearly hear your voices.
I promise to do everything in my power and ability, and do my utmost to speak for all of you, and hope that reasons will prevail, and that favorable outcomes will be achieved for all the waiting children that need to come home, and the waiting families that ache for them. I can't promise a miracle, only that I will try my best. So please pray for me.
Steve Morrison
God Bless you Steve. Thank you for your dedication to the children of Korea and us families that patiently wait.
ReplyDeleteThank you SO much Steve and god bless you.
ReplyDeleteI feel hope again, just becaurce you will spend your time to help us, so they at least hear our voices.
Thank you again - I am so thankfull.
Thank you, Steve. I am so appreciative for your encouragement and especially your efforts, along with your colleagues, to help bring our children home in a reasonable manner that is fair to everyone involved. You are in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Steve and team! Praying for you and all of the families.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and that the decisions made would be best for these children!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I will be fasting and praying about this situation and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteSteve-- I have a question though --- do you think the court officials truly care what we,the adoptive parents, think? I wonder if they are hoping these new requirements will discourage families and cut down on international adoption.
Thanks for your insight!
Liz
Thank you so much. This situation is constantly in my prayers...almost without ceasing ;) I can not express my gratitude for what you do.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'd like to add to the comments/concerns for your database:
ReplyDeleteIt's a matter of time and money for our family. We cannot leave our jobs for a month to travel to Korea, nor can we afford to spend the additional money it would cost. We also cannot leave our daughter, who has life threatening food allergies, here in the U.S. for that length of time. Nor do we feel comfortable bringing her to Korea with her medical condition.
A suggestion (and I am not by any means well-versed in the court process, as we are still awaiting referral): could this potential "14 day" period happen when the birth mom relinquishes her child? She could sign court documentation at that point acknowledging that she is entering the 14 day reconsideration period.
We are extremely grateful for all you do for families and children waiting in Korea. Information helps alleviate stress, especially at a time like this, and you are one of the only credible sources we have. THANK YOU!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for all that you do.
ReplyDeleteThank you Steve for the information. We received news yesterday from our adoption agency regarding this new requirement. The information the agency provided sound that this decision still has many open questions and they promise to provide more information/clarification after the korean adoption agency meet with the family court judge(s) next week on March 5. We just hope better outcome results after this meeting.
ReplyDeleteAs for us, this is our second adoption with Korea. We chose Korea for the same reasons as other adoptive parents have expressed. Shorter time (used to be), less traveling time, better health care system for the orphans, stability, etc. We are one of the families that the paperwork are in review in the family court. We were told last week that anytime the paper could be approved and then the paper will be submitted to the US embassy for the visa application, but with this latest development, it is really heartbreaking and sad.
I wonder how is the format in court going to be like when the adoptive parent show up. Is the birth mom going to be present? Is this a private or public court hearing?
Away from work and traveling for over 2 weeks it will impose hardship on us because we have a young child that needs to care for, plus the expenses for the long trip. It will burden us financially. The worst part is that the outcome of this is still uncertain whether we bring home our adopted child or not.
We have had the personal experience of a birth mom reclaiming the child back after a referral was accepted. This child that we are trying to bring home is from a second referral. We know how the feelings would be like, if we don't come home with child after being in the family court. It will be 1000 times harder that the first time when it happen at home soil. It will be a scar that will be in our heart for the rest of our life.
I know everyone involve in this adoption system is trying to give the best for the child. We have no problem to give the birth mom opportunities to reclaim the child, but it seems that the fairness of this whole thing is single sided. We think 2 plus years should be plenty of time for the birth mom to decided and don't have to wait another 14 days.
Depending on the outcome of next meeting, we hope for the best, but if the worst come we might also have to think about the possibility of walking away. We hope that we do not have to come to this decision, but we are also human and we have feelings and emotions as well.
Thank you Steve and MPAK for representing the thousands of international parents out there who would otherwise be voiceless. I can't agree, however, with you discouraging people to contact their government leaders. In adoption, so much is outside of our control. From the beginning, it feels like we're told to just hand over thousands of dollars and shut up if you have a problem. Of course, that "shut up" is veiled ever so nicely but the meaning is the same. Throughout this HORRIBLE process, adoptive parents are expected to endure intense emotional turmoil yet say nothing....DO nothing. People from the agencies prey upon people's fear that IF they DARE do anything, they could further jeopardize things. I'm tired of the veiled threats. The fact is, on an international scale like this and from past history, international pressure from outside governments is often the ONLY way to get things moving in a better direction. I realize I'm being overly dramatic with this comparison, but you will get the point. Think of all the people who, throughout recent history, have been taken hostage by a hostile overseas government. If the families of those people had just sat by doing nothing out of fear that they could potentially make it worse, they would have never hugged or welcomed their loved one home. No. They took action and MADE the U.S. government sit up and realize what was happening. It was only through government negotiations, brute force and/or the other side not wanting a PR nightmare, that hostages were released. Now, I realize that may sound like a silly analogy but it's how I'm feeling. You're asking people who have already lived through HELL to sit by as the fate of THEIR children, the children they were assigned sometimes 2 years ago, is decided by people who don't seem to have a CLUE. I honestly believe that only through international pressure from the U.S. and other countries will Korea start to see the error of its ways....or more like, they'll be embarrassed enough to relent. Now, no one wants a situation like what happened in Russia where they just simply outlawed all international adoption to the U.S. And I know it's a risk but at this point, what else can people do? Continue to hope? Continue to pray? The time of talking, waiting patiently, and being told to sit down and shut up is OVER. These people have already paid their money, they've done everything anyone ever asked and Korea is literally holding THEIR children hostage. What is ironic to me is this whole plan to "better" adoption in Korea started because Korea was embarrassed on an international level at how "good" they were at adoption. So, it's funny to me now that in their efforts to be better, they've proven only to look completely incompetent.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that the Korean government or the Korea courts consider these children to 'belong to' or 'be part of' their adoptive families at this point. I also highly doubt that they really know or care how much emotion, time, and money is invested by adoptive parents and their extended families in the adoption process.
DeleteI also don't think that kicking up a fuss to try to 'shame' officials into revising policies is likely to be effective or achieve the desired result.
I do agree that it is extremely unfortunate that South Korea, who used to have a wonderful foster care and adoption system compared to many other countries, is choosing to focus only on the negative voices in the adoption circle. Perhaps if they focused more on the many success stories from the last 20 years they might have a more balanced view and regard adoption more positively. If only biological parents had to undergo the same level of training, education, and scrutiny before being allowed to parent that most adoptive parents now face I am certain that fewer children would suffer in this world.
Well if they are truly clueless about the time, money, or emotuon invested then that is a shame because that means they are ignorant. Also, I would say they need to be educated on CHILD DEVELOPMENT, as in brain dev, emotional trauma, etc.. they have no clue what they are doing.
DeleteWhoa.
DeleteI understand that waiting is tough. We are waiting ourselves, with no travel date in sight.
Most of us reading this blog live in countries that do not send children overseas for adoption. When I get frustrated, I try to imagine what the United States would require if we sent children to far-off lands. Imagine the faith and trust that Korea must have in us, to enable us to become or to grow our families.
I think we need to focus on the excellent care that is provided to these children in foster families. The Korean programs do a remarkable job ensuring that these children are taken care of, nourished and loved while they wait. I work in the medical field and have visited orphanages to provide medical care in other countries. I can assure you that so many, many children do not start their lives with such a gift of care and love that Korea provides.
As adoptive families, we volunteered to begin a process with many unknowns and with no guarantees!
Korea doesn't owe us their children.
Korea has clearly announced it's intent to end international adoption. We have to roll with the changes.
If we really do care about the children in Korea, we need to also support Steve's work with MPAK. Donate to MPAK today!! (Steve does a lot of work communicating/advocating for international adoption issues and MPAK deserves our support.)
Thank you for advocating to support MPAK. This really helps. Thanks again.
DeleteNo, Korea does not owe us their children at all. However, once Korea allows their adoption agencies to match a child to a family and accepts their country fee then they are entering into an agreement. They received their payment for services rendered so the honorable thing to do would be allow the children to be united with their family in a timely manner. They are not acting honorably by taking money for adoption services and care of the child but then refusing to allow the child to be joined with their family. To anyone who is not involved in the situation, the slowdown and new requirements would sound very suspicious. It is not honorable to accept paperwork and money and then tell people to come to their country and withhold the right to allow people to adopt their referred child. If they do not want foreigners to adopt their children, then the honest and respectful thing to do would be to come out and say so instead of leading people on. Children are not commodities to be traded, but it seems like this controversy is making them seem like commodities.
DeleteThank you Anonymous for pointing out that once Korea enters into and agrees to ITS OWN TERMS, that agreement should be honored. In no other part of our overall culture (as a whole), can I imagine a situation where you pay thousands of dollars based on certain agreed upon terms and after 2 years, the other party is allowed to suddenly switch all of the terms, increase the costs, and essentially try to make the original deal impossible. No, Korea doesn't "owe" us their children and I never said they did. I am Korean-American. I am a Korean adoptee AND my family has adopted from Korea recently. When I said "they" are clearly clueless about the impact, I meant the government officials who are pushing these changes....not Koreans as a whole. The government officials making these laws are largely MEN in a culture where men don't do the raising of children. Despite Korea's westernized image, it is still very traditional in many ways. And the thing that infuriates me about these changes is they are based on beliefs that BLOOD is always better period. To me, as an adoptee, that is infuriating. I do NOT believe keeping children with their biological parents is always the best case scenario. It makes me so sad that the anti-adoption groups have been so incredibly successful at bending the truth, only ever showing the negative, and getting politicians to do their bidding.
DeleteFrom the personal experience (non adoption related) of having lived and worked in Korea for Korean companies and a university, I can tell you that contracts/agreements in Korea are not viewed the same as they are in the USA. Here in the USA, agreements are set in stone. In Korea, they are simply "guidelines" which are negotiable. I would venture to guess, that adoption agreements are viewed the same way at least by some in Korea.
DeleteThis is very unfortunate. I am part of a group of families that got together to do joint research on adoption from different Countries. We were all looking forward to adopting from Korea. These latest events are forcing us to look elsewhere. It is terrible that politics is preventing children from getting homes/families.
ReplyDeleteThank you Steve for your tireless efforts and deep care. You are a blessing to many and we are so thankful for you and to have you as our advocate.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the update and continue to do your good work!
ReplyDeleteJust a note Dawn - the new process is impacting a large number of families who accepted a referral months and in some cases the year before the new law came into effect and it is particularly upsetting that they are currently unwilling to grandfather in even those families by relaxing any of the new requirements.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Steve for all your hard work and encouragement.
ReplyDeleteSteve, you are a HUGE blessing to all families whom are waiting to pick up their child. We were the last "batch" to travel in August and I looked to your site as my strength and support when the waiting felt like it was too much to bare. For all those waiting families out there... I am praying for YOU today and days ahead that your children will be in your arms soon. I am proof that the wait does finally come to an end and prayers are answered. Please remain in this process and do not back out... your children need you and are waiting for YOU in Korea... God has it all worked out. Through all the sufferings I PROMISE the blessings far outweigh the sadness you are feeling right now. Look up and pray for strength to get you through this waiting period.
ReplyDeleteWe also were part of the "hurry them through" last batch in July 2012. Our son arrived in the U.S. in July and to know that he was within a month of being one of the kids caught up in this just tears my heart out. It makes me that much MORE grateful to have him here but also accurately aware of the incredible pain these families are going through.
ReplyDeleteThank you Steve for helping Korean government officials understand what this is doing.
Bottom line is that Korea is becoming more restrictive in international adoptions. The only ones suffering are the adoptive parents abroad, the foster parents in Korea and most importantly the children. For the Korean government and more specifically the Korean courts and laws to change mid-stream is just plain wrong. Hundreds, if not thousands of kid's futures are hanging in the balance, while the courts approve adoptions. This is not right and needs to be addressed in a more prompt way. If Korea does not want future international adoptions, just end it now and let the parents who are in the middle of the adoptions finish then. This is ridiculous and embarrassing for the Korea government, more than allowing so many children to be adopted internationally.
ReplyDeleteI also think that if the korean goverment want to end future international adoptions, so do that, AFTER they have let the parents who are in the middle of the adoptons finish. We are not sure that we can go through all this new rules, and what will then happen to our son? If they know have musch we suffer every singel day, our, minut :-( I will pray all the time for a fair end to all this. Right now it is a living nightmare
DeletePrayer changes things. The faith evident in so many of the adoptive blogs must reach out to prayer warriors around the world as the meeting takes place next week. Korea has given so many of us beautiful children that we love with all our hearts. Pray that Steve will have the opportunity to represent the children we have and the ones we desperately want to bring home. Prayer changes things. The rules of a game are not supposed to change midstream, so we must pray that what we were told when we invested in this process will stand. We must pray for each other. We must pray for the Korean government. We must pray for the Foster parents and the Birth mothers. Ask people to pray in your church, in your community, in your extended family. We serve a God who goes before us. We pray in His name for these children to come home. Prayer changes things.
ReplyDeleteThank you for compiling comments. Here are my thoughts:
ReplyDeleteIt is very distressing to think about having to travel to Korea for a full month. Practically, I do not know how we would manage our young son and our work responsibilities. If I were able to secure this time off of work it would be unpaid leave and we would have the many expenses of traveling to and living in Korea for an extended period of time. The thought of making these sacrifices with the possibility of not coming home with our second son is heart wrenching. I fully support giving his birth mom full opportunity to change her mind and raise her child but I do not see any reason why this process would not begin until the adoptive parents have travelled to Korea. I am also distraught at the thought of having to return to work immediately after coming home with our child. I was able to take three weeks off of work (because I was able to save vacation for a couple years) to help transition our first child into his new home and I wish I could have stayed home from work longer. The proposed system does not seem to be what is best for the child or the adoptive parents. Thank you again.
We are yet another Korean heritage family who started the process before the adoption law changes in August. My husband and I were both born in Korea and are naturalized US citizens. Our respective parents were raised in Korea and continue to observe Korean traditions. As a Korean American Family, we could provide extensive exposure to Korean culture. Like other US families, we would provide the stability of a loving home, the support of a permanent family vested in its children’s success, and the opportunities gained from living in a country where being adopted does not cause financial and social burdens.
ReplyDeleteIn an ideal world, these children will be raised in Korea with their families. The reasons why these children are available for adoption is beyond the scope of my statement here, but the fact is that the situation in Korea is not ideal and these children are without permanent families. The best chance these children have to enjoy a fulfilled life and become productive members of a society is to emigrate out of the country that does not provide enough support for them via international adoption.
When the Korean society changes and these children and their families are more accepted and supported, that might be a time to revisit the role of international adoption in Korea. However, forcing changes that will cause sharp declines in the rate of international adoption when domestic adoption has not increased at the same rate will leave many children who could have been adopted and who could have had a chance at a better life without options. These children will grow up in group homes and orphanages. Once they are older they will be forced to leave these government provided homes and will enter into a very difficult life, as they have no prospects for higher education, comfortable housing, decent jobs, or a supportive social network. If they have children, their children will have little more chance than their parents at a good life.
As others Korean heritage families have suggested, we are also considering other options as we have not accepted a referral yet. How shameful to think that a Korean-American family cannot adopt a Korean child due to the changes implemented by the Korean government-- changes, which were made in a effort to increase the likelihood of a Korean child growing up in a Korean family.
Thank you so much for this reply. We are also a Korean-American family awaiting our referral. You so eloquently stated what we've been feeling.
DeleteWe echo our concerns with this family.
We are a Korean-American couple who have been waiting to hold our son since we received his referral one year ago. I am confused by this court process...why are we having to face a court judge after so much time has passed after our initial US home study has been approved, and the Korea agency has accepted our paperwork and provided us with a referral? I understand the new law went into effect in August, but why subject families to this scrutiny now so late in the process? Don't get me wrong, I support birth parent rights and wholeheartedly believe the birth parent should be given every opportunity to parent their child; however, this opportunity should not be after we travel to Korea. To suggest we come to Korea a year (and more) after we accepted our referral to be told we are 1) unfit or 2) the birth parent has taken the child back is cruel. My parents live in Korea, I go to Korea often and visit them for two weeks at a time--going there and staying there would be no issue for me (my husband; however, would not be able to stay that long--he is only allowed a certain amount of time off from work)--it's the thought of going there and leaving without our child that is really upsetting. Please reconsider this court process--I understand you have to implement it somehow because it went into effect in August, but it might be better to enact the court process with new families who have not started the process yet. I pray that all these considerations are taken into account during the meeting in March. Prayers for all involved. God Bless!
ReplyDeleteSteve, the word is out and there are prayer groups praying for you and your team.
ReplyDeleteAs a Korean American who is in the process of adopting (waiting close to 2 years), my husband and I are devastated by this new travel requirement and the 14 day waiting period. The reality is, some of us will not be able to make this 3-4 week trip to Korea (even a 2 week trip will be nearly impossible for us). What happens if will happen if we can't go?
Thank you for the prayer groups praying for me. I am deeply moved by this. Thank you again.
DeleteIt almost seems as if they are trying to guilt the birthmothers into raising their children. I pray for them to have peace during this time. Our birthmother gave her child up on the day he was born, but because it was in July and the law took effect in August, our agency is now having to re-contact her to re-relinquish her rights because she did not adhere to the new law that wasn't even in place at the time of the adoption. Now after the 2nd time she will have to relinquish him, they are going to make her re-relinquish him again for a 3rd time when we go over to court? Not to mention, spending all of the money to go to Korea and sit on the edge of our seats waiting for the 14 days to end. We plan on taking our biological son over there and if she changes her mind after 2 years, what do we tell him happened? Why did we fly all the way over there just to sit in a hotel room and wait? This is completely ridiculous and harsh to do to birthmothers and adoptive families. I just have to trust in the Lord and lean into Him right now to know that He is in charge of this, not the government. This seems like a rant to you MPAK, but it certainly is not. I am forever grateful for you advocating for all of us and truly appreciate everything you do for us!
ReplyDeleteMy sentiments exactly!!! Well stated!
DeleteYou have stated my thoughts exactly. We are also a KA family, nearing (I hope and pray) the end of what will be at least a 16 month wait to bring our son home. We have become very saddened and disillusioned by the events over the past year. We had always hoped to adopt a Korean sibling for our son--in fact, I never even considered that we would do anything else--but sadly now we are opening up to other options. I hope that the Korean government comes to see the unintended consequences of this new law.
ReplyDeleteThank you for all this information. We just began the process to adopt a second child from Korea and are devastated by the possibility of traveling to Korea with our 4 year old and, after all the time, expense, and emotional investment, being told the birth mother has changed her mind. I understand and support the idea of birth mothers have a waiting period so they can be certain of their decision. However, I believe strongly that this period should occur before relinquishment and absolutely before the child has been matched. Once we are matched with our children, and wait for them for so long, putting the adoption in jeopardy would be a nightmare for everyone. Anything you could do to communicate the need for the waiting period to occur much earlier in the process would be greatly appreciated. I respect the Korean government's position but hope they can put themselves in the family's shoes.
ReplyDeleteIs this all just about a child growing up in a loving home? To me it should be simple. Birth mom has 14 days after deciding not to parent to change their mind. Child should be available for korean adoption and if not adopted given their own ep so when they are matched they can start their life with their forever family quickly. Why lose bonding time? Isnt a parents maternity leave better spent st home with the child than waiting for court approval. If court has questions the agency can act as a proxy or video conf can be done. Do it right legally but quick!!!@
ReplyDeleteWe accepted a referral for a waiting child months before the new law was put into place. This child will be our second son and brother to our 4-year old son, also adopted from Korea in 2010.
ReplyDeleteThe new law will be difficult for everyone. The birth mother already relinquished once. Must she do this again? If we stay in Korea for 3-4 weeks, our family will suffer from lack of income and our job security will be at risk. It would be so difficult to care for a second child if unexpected health conditions appear once he comes home. Lastly, we want our first son (SeongWon) to have a healthy image of Korea, his first home. Because we were already assigned a child before these new laws, SeongWon was fully expecting a brother to come home from Korea.We do not want him to leave Korea after 3-4 weeks devastated by his home country and without a brother.
I want all of you who already HAVE a child to remember have lucky you are.
ReplyDeleteWe are some couple who are childless, and our thoughs are "how are we going to survive after this" - waiting 4 years - and mayby our sons b. mother will have him back. We are too old to start again, so think how we are feeling in all this.
Many of you have one or two child, that you can love rest of your life. I know that you are loving your waiting child as musch as we do, but you have your other child to live for after............
Even under the old process it was possible for a birthmother to change her mind and reclaim her child until the second the adoptive parents step foot on that airplane.
DeleteIt is true that some of us have children already, and of course, we are forever grateful. Please remember that the children that we presently care for did not necessarily come without pains and issues. Waiting for each child - no matter the order - takes no less love and concern than the first child.
DeleteNot to mention existing children are vested emotionally in the process as well which brings in a whole other range stress. The fact of the matter is our stories are all different but we find ourselves in similar circumstance.
DeleteBut still..... you have something to live for afterwards- I understand that you have the same feeling for the child, whatever it is your first, second or what number.
DeleteBut right now I can realy not see any meaning whith my life if I dont have a child to care and love. That was my point.
I feel for you because we don't have any children either. If I didn't know better I would have thought I wrote your comments myself. It's terrible to want something so badly and have no control over your own life. I always took it for granted that I would have kids and now that this is happening I'm not sure what the purpose of my life is. I'm in total despair and am so confused about what to do. There's nothing we can do but hope that maybe our adoptions will work out.
DeleteStay strong for your little ones.
DeleteI don't have a little one to stay strong for. We've waited over two years and still don't even have a referral. We don't have a picture of a child to cling to. I guess we'll just watch and wait and make a decision as the details filter through.
Deleteto Anonymous March 4, 2013 at 10:42:
DeleteI am so gratefull for your comment, and to know that my feelings dont are bad or wrong. It means a lot to me. We are all in a very hard situation, but us who dont have a child (and mayby never will have) have some other thougts to deal with.And the only thing a ask for is just a little understanding
That is correct but birthmothers are not currently being contacted 1 1/2- 2 years after relinquishing. This will no doubt prompt some level of reconsideration. However, I believe guilt would be a poor basis for reclaiming. In the case a birthmother is in situation to provide a good home that without doubt would be he best scenario despite the devastation that would be delivered to a prospective adopting family. I would guess this would be the exception not the norm and these changes are bad for the children, birthmothers, and adopting families.
ReplyDeleteI'm really not sure how travel arrangements would be organised during a 4 week wait... it would be pretty horrible to be a few days into the 14 days of consideration, hear the devastating news that you would be going home without the child you had waited so long for, and then having to wait around until you could arrange a flight home.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree, given that most of the birth mothers are now going to be asked to sign a re-relinquishment form and then contacted AGAIN to be hassled by the court officials... it seems as though a higher number than usual will change their minds. If their circumstances have changed and they truly are in a position to parent that's one thing, but my greatest fear is that our daughter's birth mother will reclaim her only to abandon her later when the harsh reality of trying to care for her is simply too much to bear.
There are too many problems with changing the rules on people when the process they agreed to has not just been changed, but changed to the point where it is unrecognizable. I have three main arrangements here:
ReplyDelete1) Many families made the decision to go to Korea due to the flexibility of the exit process. We adopted our son from Eastern and went against a Chinese adoption strongly based on the more simple exit process and so our children could have a similar heritage down to even the adoption agency. If the requirements that are now being changed on us were known at the time we would have considered China more strongly.
2) To ask a family to travel from the United States to Seoul and then wait on the birth mother to make a decision after two years of abandoning the child is cruel to all parties. It is truly mind blowing and somewhat arrogant to ask people to travel overseas on a possibility. Also to treat foreign adoptions like domestic ones (I understand this is part of the issue) is also an apples to oranges comparison. In Korea most children are adopted before five months old (Koreans have told usually within a month), so just from the age of the child being adopted the adoptions are very different.
3) Does anyone else have a distrust of the the family court? At what point after going through state, federal and Korean Health Ministry certifications it seems to me the family court is a political tool that could be abused. Given what I have seen with adoptions in Korea and the attitude toward both the adopted children in Korea and those of us who have adopted from Korea I have a right to be worried. What recourse would a foreign citizen have toward a biased judge and other potential abuse related this?
I recently visited our daughter in Korea. Waiting around with no end in sight, I couldn't take it any more, so I took a quick trip to Korea. It was love at first sight. I saw her for an amazing four days. I have a ton of pictures I look back to remind me of that wonderful day.
ReplyDeleteWe have waited over a year to bring her home. When I visited her, the requirement was that one of us had to go to Korea for the travel call. Originally, we were both going to pick her up, however when I took this trip, we knew only one of us could go for the pick up.
Now, we are being told both parents have to go for 3-4 weeks? My heart sank when I heard the news. We just spent a ton of money and I used up 5 work vacation days for this trip! I only have 5 more days left. Our daughter is already very attached to the foster mom and has speech delay. I know I will need every day I can get for maternity leave. If I use up days for the travel call, I will only have 8 weeks of maternity, opposed to 12 weeks. Also, we need more time to save up that kind of money to be able to travel to Korea for that long.
Also, I thought our daughter was part of our family. Our home is all set for her. Her room is painted, her name is on the wall, her photos are all over our house, she has clothes hanging in her closet and toys and books! so many toys and books! All we need is a bed and her. When I learned that there is a chance she might not even come home - I didn't know what to do. I sat in her room and cried so hard. How? How can they do this? Her birth mother has already relinquished her. I can't even imagine the pain and sadness she went through at the time. Now the court is asking her to relinquish her again? and if she doesn't, that's it for us? The little girl we have prayed for, gotten ready for, loved and met is gone from us forever? I can't imagine people who are in the courts that are for the families could be so cruel.
I've been processing this new requirement since I found out on MPAK. I'm trying to see the good, but all I see is cruelty. Please ask the courts to reconsider. Talk to some of the families and children who have already been adopted and here the many many many wonderful stories.
Where are they getting their information to create such policies? There are so many wonderful adoption stories from Korean adoptions. Please, reconsider this and let us bring our babies home in the manner we first agreed.
Thank you.
One thing that is unclear to me is why parental rights are not being terminated prior to children being made available for adoption. This seems like a very strange and cruel way of doing things.
ReplyDeleteWe have been matched with our child for almost a year now, paid all fees and costs of care very promptly (with no hope of any kind of refund to facilitate seeking other options for adoption).
I don't know how we are supposed to get through each day with the pain and stress and uncertainty while we wait.
Is it true they are going to delay or postpone this meeting today that was scheduled? If so why? Is it due to new administration coming in? OR just another way the government delays and toys with emotions of families?
ReplyDeleteI have not heard that tomorrow's meeting has been cacelled/delayed. Did you hear that from a reputable source?
DeleteSteve,
ReplyDeleteWhile our daughter (second Korean adoption) came home this past May, we still follow your blogs. This is terrible news. It makes it seem like our three year wait was nothing compared to this - and we pray and empathize with our fellow families. In terms of your question - it's not practical for most American families to travel for a month - most would lose their jobs (unless covered by FMLA or a state equivalent). To sit for 14 days to see if the birthmother changes her mind? Ludicrous.
We have learned that the meetings scheduled March 4/5 have been cancelled. Can you please comment on this, Steve. We are distraught and trying hard to hold onto hope. Thank you for all that you are doing to advocate for the children.
ReplyDeleteYes, I am devastated. I thought we would have some answers this week. Any ideas when they could reschedule?
DeleteWhere are you getting this information from? We have heard nothing from our agency.
DeleteWhat was the explanation for the cancellation?
ReplyDelete