Honest Questions and Answers - by Adoptees

This dialogue exchange is found in the recently created facebook page for Voice of Love campaign.  This is found in http://www.facebook.com/groups/320976787942626/.  I post it for all the adoptive parents so that they will be aware of some of the questions or concerns that their children my someday ask, and be able to help them out in their search for who they are and where they came from.

 

An adoptee named Jenna remarked: 

The wall seems to be closed. This campaign has been greatly discussed and debated with many Korean adoptees on various forums. I've read mostly mixed reactions to it. I just want to clarify, some are outraged, some are confused, some are on... the fence. What seems to be the unofficial consensus is that this campaign has it's good intentions but leaves out the Korean adoptee's full experience. We understand positive stories about being adopted would promote the campaign, however many believe it should be with caution. Because it's just not realistic to say adoptions is all sunshine and rainbows. And in my personal opinon, THAT IS OK that there are bad that comes with the good. If you really want to promote this more efficiently, you have to mention that adopting a child (domestically OR internationally) comes with it's amazing benefits and also possible issues along the way. What I am referring to is #1, most likely when we become teenagers, everyone starts asking "who am i?' Korean adoptees have to deal with the fact that they don't know what their biological parents look like, act like.. etc. #2 they have to deal with another layer of being an interracial family. These two things should not be ignored. And every child reacts differently to these two main issues. I think it's great to promote international adoption, but promoting a healthy adoptive parent - adoptee relationship is even more vital. Parents need to learn about ALL consequences and learn how to deal with them properly. I can't stress how important it is to be 110% supportive of your child / teenager / adult adoptee if they become curious to find their bio parents. This can make or break your relationship. Sorry if this is not the right place to say it, but I wanted to stress this.

 

Steve Morrison replied:

Jenna, your comments are perfectly valid. Thanks for sharing your honest opinion. I think the agencies nowadays are a lot more familiar with the issues related to adoptees as their many babies have grown up to express their experiences and voice opinion. The agencies are now requiring education for potential parents and these issues are starting to be discussed. As an adoptee myself, and now an adoptive father, I am on the opinion that while it is good to make the adoptive parents be aware of the potential issues, when you look at the homeless children, they need homes. They need to grow up in loving family environment where they will have equal chance of being loved, educated, and have opportunity to be who they can become. This opportunity is significantly reduced if children don't get adopted and grow up in institutions. I lived in an institution for eight years before being adopted at 14, and still remember wanting to loved and have my own family, and longed to be adopted. Recently we also adopted an older boy from an orpahange in Korea, and he has expressed the same sentiment. Most of the adoptees have not gone through the experience of living in institutions and they seem to be far removed from the feelings and longings of 20,000 children that are living in the 280 institutions in Korea. I would strongly recommend that many adoptees visit or do some volunteer works in many orphanages to get a dose of reality of not being adopted. It is true that adoptees will go through some cultural/racial/identity issues, some more than others, and you are absolutely right that adoption is not all sunshine and rainbows. But we cannot let these fears deter from providing homes for children whether they be adopted domestic or international. Our job is to provide a voice for these children to have homes of their own. This is the reason for the Voice of Love movement. Thanks for the honest discussion.

Naleigh Moon - by Josh Kelly

I had to share this incredibly beautiful and a moving music video by singer Josh Kelley, who sings of his love for his adopted daughter Naleigh.  Josh is the husband of the actress Katherine Heigl, and their adoption story is widely known. 

I want to sincerely thank Josh Kelley for making this video, as his story is not unique to just to him and Katherine, but is shared and echoed by all those wonderful non-Korean couples that have adopted children from Korea, that they too feel the same love and joy expressed by Josh Kelley and Katherine Heigl.

  "Naleigh Moon"

I know the kind of guy I am
A bit too much and to myself
Not much left for someone else
And I'm sure I cause my share of pain
But all that changed
When you first touched my face

[Chorus:]
Halfway around my little world
You had no idea that you were my girl
You found my arms not a moment too soon
I couldn't see past me till I saw you
My sweet Naleigh Moon

I love the man you're makin' me
Yeah, everyday, I wanna prove
There's nothin' I won't do for you
Just to see you in your mama's arms
Is more than enough
To bring me to my knees

[Chorus:]
Halfway around my little world
You had no idea that you were my girl
You found my arms not a moment too soon
I couldn't see past me till I saw you
My sweet Naleigh Moon

I can't imagine life without my
Naleigh Moon

Halfway around my little world
You had no idea that you were my girl
You found my arms not a moment too soon
I couldn't see past me till I saw you
I couldn't see past me till I saw you
Naleigh Moon
My sweet Naleigh Moon

EP is Expected to Flow Again by Mid-February

Many have written to me inquiring on the status of the EP process.
I have been informed that the EP process should start again by mid-February.

As for the priority service for Korean-heritage couples, this is still being reviewed by the Ministry as they try to come up with some ways to be fair for non-Korean-heritage families, and at the same time come up with some meaningful ways to serve Korean-heritage families. 

But the good news is that the EP process is expected to flow again by mid-February.
This is indeed a very good news for all the families that have waited so long.
Let's hope that there will be no more delays.

Regarding Negative Comments by Adoptees on Voice of Love Campaign

Just wanted to post my own thoughts based on some critical comments made on the Voice of Love facebook (http://www.facebook.com/groups/320976787942626/). One need to look at the whole thing in a big picture. Adoptions can go wrong. So can children born and living with their biological parents can be unhappy or don't turn out so good. Does this mean that we should stop having children to avoid risk of bringing any mishap in their life? Definitely ...not.

Adoption has some risks, just as children have some risk of growing up under their biological families, or even under their unwed mothers.

Likewise it is the same when it comes to adoption. There are adoptions that don't turn out well. But that's true in normal non-adoptive families where relationships just don't work out. What is their reasons for not turning out so well. Therefore, can you really blame your misfortune in family relationships solely on adoption?

One can share their unfortunate experiences and express their opinion on intercountry adoption, but that should not be the reason to stop all intercountry adoption. Adoption may not have worked for them, but for there are so many more children that have been blessed through intercountry adoption. Intercountry adoption provides opportunity for homeless children at least chance for them to make something of themselves. This is very limited if they have to live in institutions in Korea had they not been adopted.

I wish to comment about unwed mothers situation in Korea on my next comment.

Steve

Voice of Love - A Partnership in Voice for Homeless Children

MPAK has partnered with Hope for Orphans and the Onnuri English Ministry in Korea to speak out for the voiceless homeless children who need homes.  I want all the adoptive families, adoptees, and friends to visit the Voice of Love website and please respond with your voice.

The Pastor Eddie Byun of Onnuri and Mr. Paul Pennington of Hope for Orphans are featured in this short video.  For all those waiting families, and for all those waiting children, we continue to be your voice.

Please pray that this will spread like a fire and will bring a new doors of opportunities for thousands of homeless children in Korea.
 

Listen to the Voice of Love

Another Request Sent to Expedite the EP Process

Just sent another request to the Ministry of Health and Welfare (MOHW) to process the EP while they are reviewing/revising the policies related to adoption in Korea, rather than wait till all the review/revision is worked out.  I asked them whether they couldn't do this simultaneously.

I mentioned that there are many families in the US that are on the edge for having waited so long and eagerly waiting for the arrival of their children.  And then there are those children that need to be united with their families.  I said that I am appealing on behalf of all the waiting parents and children.

Let's pray that all the issues will be quickly resolved at MOHW and the waiting children will be home soon.

Everyone Is Waiting for Exit Permits to Flow

Updated Blog

I have been getting many questions from a lot of readers wanting to know when the EP process for the year 2012 will begin as everyone is anxiously waiting for The Call. 

As the new year has dawned, the Ministry of Health and Welfare (MOHW) has not issued any new Exit Permits (EPs) yet.  This is typical in a new year as MOHW usually starts to flow the EP process by mid-January to late January.  So the agencies are all waiting for the go ahead signal from MOHW.

The MOHW is working out some guidelines that need some clarifications.  They are examining the issues of recent cases of forced deportations by the US on the adoptees that were legally adopted into the US, but somehow the parents overlooked to finalize the adoption process and to file for the US citizenship for them.  MOHW is wanting to prevent this from happening and they are reviewing the process of citizenship acquisition process.  Also, there is the issue of giving priority to Korean heritage families, where questions remain as to who would qualify and what process is needed.  This has not been clearly spelled out yet, thus not able to implement priority service to Korean heritage couples yet.  There is also the review due to the changes in the adoption law that requires the family court in Korea to handle both the domestic and the overseas adoptions.  So they need to figure out different responsibilities shared between the MOHW and the family court. 

MOHW has not yet assigned the quota numbers to the agencies yet.  In the past they let the process flow and let the agencies know what their quota would be later, but the agencies do not know what direction the MOHW will take. 

The bottom line is this.  I think the wait is going to be a little longer this year, but hopefully not too long a wait.  I did request MOHW if it isn't possible to start the EP process while all the changes are being made, but I think they are understaffed.

The adoption agencies in Korea and in the US - they are all waiting, just like many of you are.  So Everyone is Waiting for the EP process to flow again.  The agencies will be more than happy to hear from MOHW to start the EP process again.  Hopefully it won't be long.  I will post new information as they come my way.